Serendipity
by bulletproof-bechloe
Summary: Beca was hopelessly falling for Chloe, as Chloe was hopelessly stumbling through her battle with anxiety. Beca X Chloe
1. Chapter 1

Another weekend, another party.

The air was still pretty warm, but after about two weeks, I wasn't going to go anywhere for this shit. Except for, of course, the mandatory Bellas rehearsals I held very near and dear to my heart. And it's pathetic, that something as simple as walking the sidewalk to Aubrey's house made me think of how much I absolutely hated the group.

I wondered what Aubrey's house even looked like. I was sure it was a Martha Stewart wonderland or something. _God damn that redhead for convincing me to surrender my soul to the bellas._

Cynthia Rose was waiting right at the door with a plastic cup, liquid practically spilling from the edges as she danced to the loud music playing. She could hardly keep her poor head focused forward. _Am I really this late? How is she so hammered?_

"C'mon, Beca!" She held a wobbling hand holding the drink to me as I cringed at the whiff of food and alcohol I caught all at once. "Please, no thank you. You know I don't drink."

Aubrey was the next person in line I had to battle. Her idea of a greeting to me was a disappointed and disgusted smile, as if my entire presence made her insides burst into flames.

"Oh, you made it. Welcome." Her nose crinkled and we held a cold eye contact.

Her choice of tight and trendy clothes surprised me yet again. I rolled my eyes because it was so typical of her to be wearing a tight pencil skirt at a so called "bonding" party. _Is she ever messy when she's drunk?_

All I could do was fake a smile and sway out of her way to find the nearest corner I could nest in. Perhaps I could find water first.

Turns out, the house wasn't too clean, it was actually very simple and easy. The walls weren't a flashy color or design and the furniture was simple. Over a dozen bottles of various vodkas were lined up on the counter as well as countless cups. They had all been used, and I didn't spot a stack of fresh ones, so I reached for the cupboard for an orange plastic cup. When I turned around to work my way to the sink, Chloe was standing on the opposite side of the island counter. I put the cup down, and it rattled against the hard surface.

She tapped the top of the cup with her index finger. "Are you going to sing for me again?"

Unfortunately I smiled. She was clever and quick. Half of my grunge fled my body when she was around, I swear it. Bubbly personalities weaken me. Her breath was clean, and Chloe definitely didn't have a problem locking her eyes with mine.

"Wow, you're not even that drunk," I replied walking past her to the sink.

"I haven't had anything to drink."

I turned off the fossett suspiciously and turned to look at the girl over my shoulder. "Why not?"

"Don't you hate that everyone tries to get you to?"

Chloe blinked and smiled brilliantly, stepping closer. Surely she was kidding. Chloe probably gets the most drunk out of any of the girls here.

"Well, this is quite a contrast from initiation night," I smirked and looked down and my shoes.

"Hey, I was conscious enough," she giggled and folded her arms, indicating slight discomfort.

_Were you entirely conscious of that night? Or do you only remember making out with Tom..._

Unsure of what to say I just nodded and tried to walk past her, until she grabbed my shoulder. "Wait."

I swallowed and turned to look at her blue eyes.

"I wasn't kidding about me not drinking. I'm doing it to protect and support you if anyone harasses you."

_Fuck._

How do I even deserve, what did I even do to earn this consideration? And from _her? _Chloe's hand grew increasingly warmer on my shoulder, I could hardly stand it.

"Thank you," I muttered, inching away from her touch and walking back into the mess of the party.

At least bearable music was being played. It seemed they all danced even more terribly with each toss back of burning alcohol down another throat.

_I will never go into the DJ'ing profession if my fans are going to dance as awful as this._

Oddly, I wasn't having a terrible time. Fat Amy made efforts to talk with me for a bit. She mainly said stupid shit that made zero sense and then shook her ass in my face and joined the party again. No one else paid mind to me, but that was fine. I sunk as far as I could into the couch in the tight space and dodged flying limbs. The very least I could admit to myself was that this was better than sitting alone in a dorm. I liked noise, and not just the noise coming from my headphones. But the party was so lame. They were all just a bunch of awkward kids dancing and talking and fumbling over each other. The music would surely die down eventually, and I was sure we would have a stupid meeting or something.

Aubrey's job, I had noticed, was to keep everyone with a full cup. Chloe disappeared to God knows where. Even for a stuck up bitch, Aubrey could throw a party, and I think she cared that we all bonded as a team. I guess I should have been making an effort to "bond", but I'm sarcastic and she hates my guts anyway. It's also still early in the season and I didn't need to try too hard yet. The people I tend to like most are the people I don't have to try to bond with. One of those people was Chloe.

_Fuck, stop it. Not everything has to lead back to her._

Eventually a few people started to make their way to seating rather than dancing in the crowded space Aubrey's house allowed.

"Why don't you drink kid?" Amy asked, her voice sounding from out of no where. She sat beside me on the couch, and at least she didn't have a drink to shove in my face.

"I dunno, I just... It's never been my thing."

"I know you. You're that quiet girl with the bad past and you jus- you just do what you can to keep yourself out of trouble, no I get it, I get it."

I laughed for some reason. And hey, she wasn't being pushy. Although she made me sound like a helpless character from a dramatic book, I didn't mind. If anyone else talked to me like that here, there's a good change their nose would meet my knuckles. And Amy was right. Alcohol has scarred me in my past, I don't need it to push me down again.

"Thanks for understanding...I guess," I smiled at her, but she was already up to get more after she patted my shoulder.

_It has been an hour and I haven't seen Chloe._

I stood just to get the blood flowing to my feet again. Wandering narrow halls, I attempted to find a bathroom, but I passed by a room Chloe was in. My instinct was to check if she was okay, but she looked fine just sitting there. And she was on a _laptop?_

_Is the whole laptop/ computer using thing supposed to get my attention, because it definitely is..._

I slowly approached her inside the room that appeared to be an office, but she didn't glance up at me like I had hoped.

"Has Aubrey yelled at you for lack of mingling?"

Chloe laughed a bit, her eyes still focused on the screen. "You can sit."

So I did, in the chair that was next to her. I couldn't help but to stare at the way the screen light glowed on her face. Her eyes finally found mine. "I don't bite. Come here," she ordered, grabbing my chair and sliding me three feet closer to her.

"I'm working on an essay," she said biting her lip and editing word choice in a sentence.

"An essay? Why now?"

Chloe sighed, and she was clearly aggravated. "What else am I gonna do. What else _can _I do? I have no control over the group anyway. Why should I try?"

She closed the computer and stood to exit the room, but I followed. I had noticed that Chloe kept to herself most of the time. But I couldn't imagine her barging in on anyone else's shower to convince them to audition. That's why I felt something with her. As God damn awful and uncomfortable that moment was, she had a reason to do that.

"It would be hard for any of them to dislike you anyway," I said quietly, shocked at my own words. We were in the hallway now, and her feet were moving quickly, until she suddenly stopped in place.

Chloe turned and looked at me, a smile growing on her face. "Did _you_ really just say that?"

I could already feel the color flooding to my cheeks. "I mean, I mean you're not Aubrey. And you're patient," I stammered.

We avoided the party scene, and I could tell she was leading us to the kitchen.

"Well she's always treated me as her minion so it doesn't really matter. Regardless of who likes me better than her, she will still be the same person." There was tension in her voice, like something had happened between them recently. She got a glass of water and then Chloe and I had taken seats across from each other at the small kitchen table.

"Yeah, and so will you. You'll be the person everyone likes, no one can take that away from you-"

Speak of the devil, Aubrey strutted into the kitchen and smirked at probably the image of Chloe and I together.

"Is Beca telling you her life story? Oh, how inspiring!"

Chloe glared up at Aubrey. "Just shut up."

"Wow Chlo, you seem really tense. Care for a drink?" Aubrey raised her eyebrows; they were practically up to her hairline, but Chloe didn't respond. It was almost as if she was asking for Aubrey to say something bitchy again. The blonde and I held contact for a few seconds.

"Beca, want some?"

"Don't even try it Aubrey," Chloe jumped in. There was almost a growl in the back of her throat it seemed.

"A little won't hurt." Aubrey filled a cup with some sort of vodka and I just kept calm.

"No Aubrey it's really okay-"

The room got tighter around us. "I'll just leave it here. Maybe you two can sip from the same drink with bendy straws," she pointed her nose to the air and walked away.

Before I could even say anything, Chloe burst out of her chair and took my cup and threw it on the floor as hard as she could. Liquid flew every where and coated the floor and cupboards. The bellas were too engaged in the party to notice. Aubrey turned around, only to have her eyes pop out of her head and her face turned bright red.

_Maybe she'll puke. Ooo! Double the mess._

Aubrey's fists tightened at her sides as Chloe stepped out in front of me, standing proud and tall. I had never seen her so angry, but I kind of liked it a lot.

"You are _very_ lucky the cup wasn't glass."

"Chloe, Chlo, what was that?" I whispered leaning towards her, catching the sweet smell of her hair.

Aubrey's open mouth finally shut abruptly, and she stormed off in the other direction.

I was holding Chloe's shoulder, and she was breathing wildly. "What is wrong? Has something happened between you two lately?"

Carefully I lead her back to the table and pulled up a chair close to her.

"No, I'm just really sick of her. I'm sorry you had to see that, really, I'm good at containing myself in rehearsals but-" she inhaled sharply as if she was about to cry.

"Hey, calm down, it's okay. She was being a bitch, and you never have to take that from her, okay?"

She dug her fingernails into her scalp through her wild red hair, and sighed heavily.

"Chloe? Could the reason you got so mad just now be that I was with you? As in Aubrey hates me that much? Maybe she's afraid of losing you."

She laughed an exhausted laugh. "Aubrey could leave me on the streets with twenty cents and a pack of Altoids and drop me off the face of the earth with no problem." Eventually we were back and sitting at the table.

"I don't believe that at all," I scowled. Chloe was right, she definitely did do a great job holding all this in for rehearsals. But Jesus Christ, I didn't know she had this much trouble with her.

"Would it be best if I left? Because I bet if I weren't here that wouldn't have happened. You wouldn't have had to defend me-"

Chloe shook her head slowly and smiled at me, her smiling eyes and loving laugh distracting me from everything else. "Don't go anywhere, please."

The way she looked at me when she said that made me so hazy, I didn't even realize that she reached across the table to rest her fingers on the top of my left hand.


	2. Chapter 2

No more parties. Just a barely heated dorm and really fucking confusing thoughts.

Bella rehearsals slowly became the things that kept me sane, and that was just... It was disgusting how much Chloe grew on me so quickly. She didn't even have to try either, but she had her fun. Each rehearsal she would get increasingly touchy with me, especially while she taught me choreography, but maybe I was asking for it. We never made separate plans to see each other, which is why rehearsals aren't so bad anymore. It was no secret Chloe liked me or was interested in me or something, even Aubrey hinted at it the party. But I had no clue what I wanted yet.

I've never been completely straight, or completely gay, and I've never had a real relationship. I've fooled around with guys, secretly admired girls, but this felt so different. There was definitely something deep inside me that wanted Chloe, but I just didn't want to admit it. She made me so hopeless, weakened my knees and it was so _pathetic. _And Jesus Christ, I'm a freshman, she was a senior and would be gone soon anyway. Maybe that turned me off. My feelings for her weren't strong enough yet that I disregarded the circumstances. But again, this was so much more than a shiver when a girl played with my hair in high school. I was pretty sure Chloe could turn me on with a certain way she glanced at me.

_Holy shit, I like a girl._

The worst part about this is that Jesse kid, he is **so obsessed **with me. I think he's making me hate guys even more, actually. He's so pushy and aggressive and ridiculously cocky and stupid and I can't even stand being around him. Although he makes me laugh, which I _hate_ myself for, I would never _ever_ want anything to do with him. The only person I have met this year so far that I genuinely like is Chloe.

Sometimes I could block out my emotions. I was pretty good, or so I thought at hiding my feelings for Chloe. But apparently Aubrey figured it out quickly, unless that was Chloe's doing...

Fall went on, and it grew colder, and I didn't speak to Chloe for weeks. We still shared glances and smiles and whatnot, but I figured if I didn't talk to her for a while, maybe my feelings would go away.

We didn't avoid contact for long. After one rehearsal, I'm pretty sure she admitted some sort of feelings she had for me.

I was just about to leave when she grabbed me by my arm. "Beca wait," she pleaded.

I turned to face her and fixed my bag on my shoulder. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Have I done anything to scare you?"

Her voice sounded like a puppy's whimper against my ears, making me feel like I had to do whatever I had to do in order to reassure her everything was okay, when it wasn't. I was terrified.

"What do you mean?"

Chloe folded her arms across her stomach and tensed up. "You haven't really been talking to me, and I wanted to make sure we were still okay, you know... still friends," she hesitated.

Friends. You have got to be fucking _kidding_ me.

"I have no hard feelings for you," I replied calmly, making sure that my face nor my voice showed any kind of emotion. _Hard feelings, no, more like "I have feelings for you."_

She smiled slightly. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," I whispered, itching to get out of there.

Chloe giggled and hugged me. "Good," I heard her voice over my shoulder. I slowly wrapped my arms around her too, hesitating at the action, because when I smelled the irresistible perfume in her hair, I'm pretty sure I started shaking for a split second. We broke the hug and she looked either nervous or sad, I could figure it out really.

"Maybe we could hang out sometime. Aubrey's leaving for a few days for a family emergency, and I would hate to have an empty house."

And then I couldn't breathe,but I should have been able to. She was asking a friend to hang out, and nothing more. She even specified me as a friend a few moments previous to this moment.

"Of course, what happened?"

"Her grandmother has lung cancer and is in the hospital. It's been hard on the family, it was very sudden."

I nodded my head, and glanced at Aubrey past Chloe. She had seemed a little slow and hazy at rehearsal today.

"I would love to come over sometime."

Chloe buttoned her coat and smiled one last time at me. "Great. I'll text you."

"Bye," I smiled and folded my arms.

She walked out, and already the air was easier to breathe. I walked out the other door into the cold afternoon air and fled to my dorm.

Kimmy Jin left after she insulted me when I walked into the room, but I didn't even acknowledge her. I had a box of pizza in my hand, so I sat at my desk and ate the entire thing while making remixes. I had this to focus on, this could allow me to forget about everything that happened just twenty minutes ago.

Eventually, the weekend came and Chloe texted me.

Chloe: Hey! You busy tonight?

Beca: Nope, I'm assuming this is an invitation?

Chloe: Sure! Don't bother to bring anything, I have dinner. See you in a bit!

Hell, I was bringing my laptop. I couldn't stop in the middle of this. In case this turned into some sort of study session, I could have something to do.

In less than an hour, I was back on that sidewalk. And again, I thought, _God damn that redhead for convincing me to surrender my soul to the bellas. _I also broke my promise of never leaving my dorm when it got this cold.

When I got to the house, no alcohol or loud music welcomed me, instead, only Chloe did, with a warm hug.

At least I had been here before, which was a little more comforting.

"I kind of ordered a lot of Chinese food, I didn't really know what you liked, but I like all of it," she laughed and we got to the kitchen.

"I'll do just great with orange chicken and fried rice. Nice work," I complimented and joked along. I didn't take too much, my nervous stomach couldn't handle it.

"You can sit wherever, I have Netflix, I can't stop watching SVU," Chloe went to the couch in the family room and continued the show.

_SVU? Sounds like an STD._

I sat next to her with my food in my lap and it appeared to be some sort of criminal and law show. Wouldn't be my first choice, but I could live with it.

"Tell me you have watched this," Chloe said in between bites.

"I've never heard of it. What does SVU even stand for?"

Chloe yelped adorably. "Seriously?! Special victims unit! Oh my God, Olvia Benson's hair is always perfect. Look!"

She pointed to the screen at a cop lady with short but luscious hair. I couldn't help but laugh over Chloe's excitement for an actresses's hair.

"They've had a whole marathon dedicated to her hair before. It's a big deal."

I laughed again. "Jesus, is this all you watch?"

"Pretty much," Chloe continued. "It's this or Disney movies. I'm a four year old."

I took a bite of rice, for I was already pretty comfortable. There was still a half hour left to the episode, so I ate my dinner and calmed myself down. Chloe didn't say a word until the next episode was about to start.

"Alright look, Olivia is going to have a completely different hair style, but it's still going to be perfect."

"Okay," I replied holding in a laugh. An introductory statement or something came on with the title. Chloe was mouthing every single word along, up until "these are their stories."

When she noticed I was staring at her she just laughed embarrassed. She put her feet up and snuggled into a different position.

Next thing I knew there was a man on fire running across the street.

"What the hell?"

"Shhh!" Chloe hissed.

I kept my quiet, but Chloe didn't.

"Where the hell is Olivia?! She's always in the introduction ugh!"

I thought this all couldn't get more hilarious until Chloe sang the entire theme song instrumental. The music was so cheesy and awful to listen to, but Chloe has away of making anything that's awful to something enjoyable.

We continued to watch until Chloe nearly fell over when the lady came back on.

"Look at her hair!"

"I'm looking!" I laughed.

"Okay okay that's all I was really waiting for. We can talk, I won't be absorbed in this the entire night I promise."

"Alright, though I don't know if I believe you," I teased.

"I don't know if I believe myself either," she said. Then she turned off the show.

_F u c k._

"What do you like to watch?" Chloe hugged a pillow beside me.

"I don't really watch TV at all."

A look of shock came upon her face. "Oh. Sorry if I was boring you," her face turned slightly red.

"No no no, it's really okay. You would think what I do in my spare time is boring though, that's for sure," I only hinted at my mixes because I desperately wanted to edit the last one I was working on.

"And what is it you do?" Her sweet voice asked.

I reached for the bag I had set near the couch when I first walked in to get my laptop, and I didn't say a word. She waited patiently to learn one of my greatest passions. That already made me nervous, let alone her opinion on it.

Opening my laptop, all my software pulled up for mixing and she immediately started laughing.

"Unbelievable, really? You do this? I could never!"

"Yeah, I got into it during high school. It uh... It kept my mind off things."

Chloe scowled and inched closer to me, which I didn't really mind. "What kind of things?"

_Shit, are we really going to get into this?_

"My parents got divorced when I was a freshman," I admitted, practically whispering, as if she wouldn't hear.

Chloe placed a hand on my shoulder and stroked it with her thumb. "I'm really sorry."

_When did she get so close to me?_

Our shoulders were practically touching, probably because she was straining to see my screen.

"Did you want to hear this?" I asked, smiling at her curiosity.

"Of course," she replied, leaning her head on my shoulder. My heart rate increased, but I at least could take a breath. I could feel her smile against my skin, and I loved it. It scared me that I was quickly becoming comfortable with Chloe's affection.

After worrying I clicked the play button, and let my "Wild Ones" mix play.

"This song is the best," Chloe said, her voice close.

Then she began quietly singing along until she couldn't anymore when the best kicked in. She sat up slightly and looked at me.

"You do this by yourself?"

"Yeah, pretty lame huh?" I smiled.

"Not at all!" She rested on my shoulder again.

It wasn't long because I hadn't finished yet, so I closed the laptop and put it back in my bag. Then I said something I thought I would never ask.

"Why do you think Aubrey suggested we "drink from the same cup with bendy straws?"

Chloe sat up completely and instantly when I asked. _She definitely doesn't want me to just be her friend._

Her face turned bright red as she ran a hand through her hair. "I don't know, she always says things like that. She was also drunk," Chloe covered up, and folded her arms over her stomach.

"Right," I said, still wanting a definite answer. I wasn't ready to straight up ask her about her feelings yet, and I didn't know when I would be. Probably never. But Chloe got specifically defensive when Aubrey made that remark, which made me believe that Chloe had something for me.

"You can put SVU back on, I wasn't bored," I reassured Chloe while glancing at the TV, but she didn't even move for a few seconds. She just looked down at her intertwined fingers, unresponsive.

"Chlo?" I turned my body to face her, and I put my feet on the couch and pulled my knees to my chest.

Her hands began to shake uncontrollably, but then it was her entire body. She still wasn't able to look at me.

"Chloe!" I shouted, but still nothing. She just pushed her hair back out of her face and leaned back into the couch trying to steady herself. I instantly shot up off the couch and ran for a phone. I almost began to dial 911 when I heard something from her mouth.

"No," she called me weakly.

I moved quickly and knelt in front of her, trying desperately to look in her eyes, but she was still looking down. Suddenly I realized why she didn't want to be here alone for four days.

"Please talk to me," I begged. I held her hand and stroked a lock of hair out of her face.

"It's- it's just... It's an at-attack," she stuttered, still shaking uncontrollably.

"Anxiety?" I asked, and she nodded after a few seconds in response.

"What do I do?" Was my next question, but I was terrified that she wouldn't be able to answer. "Do you have medicine?"

"I t-t-took it a-already. I can't t-take it unt-til m-morning," she replied.

I was panicking now, I couldn't just sit here and watch this. I had never seen anyone during an anxiety attack, and I've certainly never had to help someone through one.

Chloe glanced at me, her eyes glassy and dry, even though tears were streaming down her face. She finally looked up at me, and reached her arms out for me. But instead of holding her hands, I instinctively held her face. My hands held her cheeks, and she was burning up. I rested the back of my hand on her forehead and it was alarming how hot her skin was. I looked in her eyes again, somewhat reassured that she could now look at me again.

"Please, lay down," I pleaded and ran to the kitchen. Everything that happened next was entiry my instinct.

I filled a small bowl with cold water and filled it with ice. After I found a cloth I went back to the couch with the damp cloth to find she was able to lay down. I propped a pillow under her head and rested the damp cloth on her head. Her breath hitched, and she was now abnormally breathing, unable to inhale.

This made my heartbeat race even faster.

"Chloe, listen. Take deep breaths," I said, and she nodded.

I breathed in and out with her for a few minutes, and her breathing slowly returned to a normal pace. Her stomach rose and fell at a reasonable pace. Her hands and arms were still shaking, the rest of her body only jolted every few moments. I was pretty sure the worst was almost over, but my heart was still not calm. I was surprised it hadn't burst out of my chest. We breathed together for ten minutes, and my hands found hers.

After a few more minutes of breathing with Chloe, I looked over her. Her body had definitely relaxed, but there was still movement in her hands and arms, her eyes could now move about the room though, and she was able to sit up after letting go of my hands. She seemed responsive, and she looked at me, terrified.

"What just happened?"

That hurt my heart. I didn't know she was blind to what was happening all that time. The wet cloth fell into her lap as she sat up. I was still kneeling on the floor in front of her.

"You just had an anxiety attack," I said nervously.

"Ugh, _shit _I am so sorry," she held her head.

"Chloe, don't apologize. I was just, I had no idea what to do, it's been like fifteen minutes, I guess you weren't conscious of it. I almost called 911 I didn't know if you were having like, like a seizure or something and I-"

I ran out of words, still catching my own breath. She was staring at me, with this smile on her face that I couldn't identify. But it was comforting. Maybe it meant she appreciated me being there for her.

"Does this happen often?" I asked.

Chloe shrugged, causing her body to jolt again, which made my stomach drop. But after that, she seemed okay again.

"Not recently it hasn't. Like your parents, this was my problem in high school. I thought I had learned to deal with it, but I guess not," Chloe looked almost in tears, and I sat on the couch, close to her.

"Why are you sad? It happens. And I'm glad I was here. If you _ever_ need help, or feel like you're about to break, please call me," I held one of her shoulders, and she looked humiliated.

"Thank you so much," she looked at me, a tear running down her face. My thumb met her cheek, and I wiped the tear from it.

"Can I get you water?" I asked, and she smiled shyly and nodded.

I went to the kitchen and quickly prepared a cup. When I returned, she seemed to drink it pretty quickly for jut having an anxiety attack, which comforted me. We sat in silence until she finished the whole thing, and then I set it on an end table for her.

She still seemed scared to make eye contact with me, but I was still really concerned about her.

"Do you feel warm?"

"A little," Chloe said quietly.

I rested my hand on her head again, and her temperature definitely dropped.

"You're a lot cooler which is good," I reassured her. Sighing, I and sank into the couch. The clock said 10:53 and I couldn't believe it had been that much time since I got here. We sat quietly for a few minutes more. She was still shaking periodically, but not consistently.

"Beca?" Chloe broke the the silence.

"Hmm?"

"Can... Can you hold me? Can you just stay?"

I smiled at Chloe as comfortingly as I could. "I would never leave you overnight if I had witnessed what you just went through."

She smiled her bright smile, and I turned the TV back on, and let SVU play. At first Chloe just leaned into my neck, but eventually, it was like second nature to be laying down on the couch cuddling with each other. I was holding her tight; something about tonight caused me to grow very protective of her now. And somewhere in the night, when the slight shaking stopped, I knew that Chloe had fallen asleep in my arms.


	3. Chapter 3

"You know, I can stay however long you want, I mean I'll have classes Monday and Tuesday obviously, but when I'm not at class I can check on you."

I took a mug out of the cupboard and filled it with water.

"That's not necessary, I'm really going to be okay," Chloe replied. I was about to put the mug in the microwave when Chloe stopped me. "Make sure you heat it for exactly 1 minute and 27 seconds."

Looking over my shoulder with one eyebrow raised, Chloe smiled like a four year old and giggled.

I shook my head and did as she said. "You're quite something, aren't you?"

It was a beautiful morning. Sunlight poured in through every window of the small house. Even more beautiful than that, I woke up pressed against Chloe, and it was one of the best feelings I have ever experienced.

The microwave beeped and I put a tea bag and spoon into the cup and slid it to Chloe across the table. She thanked me as I sat down across from her.

"So how bad was it anyway," Chloe asked timidly, stirring the water in her cup.

"Last night? Well I don't know, I've never- I don't know anything about anxiety. But you were just really shaky. You could talk but again, you didn't remember it," I explained. I don't like to eat breakfast in the morning, so I had time to fully focus on Chloe. Her eyes looked completely normal again, and she had already eaten cereal so I don't think I had to worry anymore. At least for now. Her hair didn't even look messy. _How the hell does she do that? She looks perfect all the time..._

Chloe took a sip of her tea. "Sounds pretty normal to me. Well not normal, but typical compared to what I'm used to."

"You take medicine for it. Does that mean it still happens? You said it hadn't happened in a while."

She avoided eye contact with me. "They aren't always like that. Sometimes I just start sobbing and hyperventilating, those are easier to control obviously."

I scowled. "So does that happen more often than the shaking?"

"The last time crying happened was before the year started. So I was put on meds for a while, but I only take them when I'm specifically anxious about something."

Chloe paused there as if she said too much, but she continued fluently, as if she had never stopped.

"The longer I go without an attack, the least likely it is they will start happening again. Or at least that's what my doctor tells me my case is. I'm learning to overcome them on my own. Really, I've fought hard through my anxiety."

Every word she said I saved in my mind. "That's great, I'm really glad you're strong."

It was killing me that I didn't know more, like how it developed, if something sparked it, so I asked.

Chloe actually began to laugh softly after a few moments of thinking. "My first attack was in tenth grade, and my mom was convinced it was over school, but that definitely wasn't true. I didn't really eat for a while, but that was only a few months. Once I figured it out again, I think whatever stress it was that caused me to not eat then came up through anxiety. And although attacks occur almost never, they're not permanently gone."

This was almost... amazing. Chloe was so comfortable telling me everything. I guess after last night I wouldn't have expected much less.

"Is there anything you want to do today? So you're not alone?"

She grinned widely and stared at me, but I waited patiently. "You're _so _worried about this," she stated, amused.

"No, I- I care about you."

_Now you've done it Mitchell. Now you've fucking done it. _

After I said this, there was this whole wall that diminished out of our way, mental and physical. Now it was a game of who was more afraid at this point. I was probably most concerned about Chloe's anxiety because from what I had learned up to this point, Chloe didn't know what a boundary was. It took nothing for her to burst in my shower. So why would something as simple as talking in a quiet house set her nerves off so suddenly?I couldn't help but to believe it was because she was hiding something from me.

Saturday night, Chloe and I spent more time together. She sketched landscapes in a sketchbook, and in between mixing music, I would glance every few moments, and she could make a pencil do beautiful things on a blank page. At first assumption I would have never classified her as an artist.

"It was something I picked up in middle school. I was into cartooning and animation for a while too," she explained to me one late night.

At the end of the night I packed up my things and made sure Chloe was okay to be alone. She seemed completely calm, walking out the door still made my skin crawl because I wasn't there to be sure she was okay. Walking back to my dorm seemed no distance at all when my head was busy putting pieces together.

Being almost midnight, I slipped into my dorm. Kimmy Jin was asleep, and instead of intentionally making a symphony of noise, I just went to bed. And one haunting song flooded the air around me, and I couldn't keep it from suffocating me.

I _want you to notice _

_When I'm not around _

_I wish I was special_

_You're so fucking special _

_But I'm a creep_

_I'm a weirdo _

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don't belong here_

And even when I slept I thought of Chloe. All of the times I held her face or her hands during the anxiety attack came back into my mind. But instead of trying to steady her or check her temperature, I felt electricity in my dreams. There was electricity in every single moment of contact I had with her. It kept me awake at night, it made me shiver. Every time I saw her in person from now on, the feeling came back.

Chloe wanted to prove she could get through Sunday on her own, so I let her. It also probably couldn't have hurt me to go one day without her with all these building feelings and sensations. I turned my phone off and actually left my dorm during the day. It was warmer Sunday than it had been in a few weeks, so I thought a walk sounded nice, until, of course, I ran into Jesse.

I tried so hard to avoid him but he always found a way to get to me.

"Hey, hey Becs!" He called from a few feet away. I turned my head after a few seconds as if I hadn't heard him at first. A fake smile was so easy to pull off thanks to him.

"Hey," I said as we walked toward each other. My feet were dragging.

"Are you just taking a walk with nothing on you? No laptop to hide in a corner with today?"

_Again, talking down on me just to try to be funny._

We walked along a sidewalk. "Nope. Just needed some fresh air."

Jesse looked at me with his irritating smile. "Well that definitely doesn't sound like you."

"I'm sorry, how long have you known me?"

I had made myself seem like a bitch before so I had no problem doing it again. Might as well keep my reputation with him.

"What does that have anything to-"

"What _sounds_ like me? Am I a vampire,? Can I not walk around campus, is that so _wrong _of me to do?"

Jesse scowled and held his hands up. "Woah woah woah, what's with the offense? I wanted no problem."

"I didn't either which is why I intended to walk alone," I snapped as I walked in a different direction and didn't look back.

The next Bella's rehearsal came when Aubrey came back. She seemed a little less down compared to last time I saw her, so I had little hope that maybe today wouldn't be so bad in rehearsal, but it was. She definitely knew I spent time with Chloe. And I guess that was a bad thing because she kept glaring at me, but I really didn't give a shit. I had just gotten reasonably comfortable with Chloe, so I talked to her whenever I wanted to.

We worked a little more on choreography, and Chloe was all over me; holding my arms and making them move accordingly even when I told her I got it down. I'm sure Aubrey knew it was flirting, I was pretty sure too. I was afraid everyone else in the group would figure it out eventually.

Rehearsal went by quickly when Chloe was there to entertain me. After, Aubrey made extra effort to yell at me for yet another thing.

"I saw you talking to Jesse the other day," she barked at me as I was collecting my things.

"Oh yeah? What's it to ya?" I questioned stuffing all my shit in a bag. I rolled my eyes so she didn't see.

"The code? No relations with the trebles, Beca. Do I need to spell it out?" Her face turned a bright pink as I simply stood smiling at her.

"For your information, I left him because he irritates me more than anything. You really don't have to lose sleep on that one. He's into me, not the other way around, so don't sorry about the code that I'm _not_ breaking."

She tilted her head and looked away from me, and then had nothing else to say, so she walked away. I stood in the same place but saw Chloe standing to the side. I assumed she saw that entire thing happen.

_Was she listening? Does she know I hate Jesse? That couldn't hurt._

But the way Chloe looked at me was more than a look of curiosity, she looked longingly. As if she wanted me to follow her home, which I absolutely could not do at all. Not as long as Aubrey was there. I knew it myself; I didn't have the balls to make plans myself. That would mean spending time with her out of the comfort of her house. I couldn't do that yet. So I was just going to wait. I always see me to walk out the door opposite from the one she walked out of.

7:14 PM

New message:

Chloe: What you said about Jesse, was that true?

Beca: completely

_No response. That's what I get? That's all I get?_

I wanted to ask her why, and I wanted wanted to clam up and say nothing. I wanted her to be hiding something.

I wanted her.

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**Song used: "Creep" by Radiohead**

**::Please review, I'd be very happy!**

**Don't worry kids, things will escalate pretty quickly.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey all of you! Sorry for the longer wait (longer than you're used to) but I have good news! Got my laptop back up and running, so I should be cranking out chapters pretty quickly. **

**Thanks for the support/ favorites/ follows/ reviews, you guys are the best!**

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_2:24 AM_

It didn't even feel like I was awake when I heard my phone buzzing on the shelf to my left. Hazily, I glanced at the screen and read Aubrey's name on the screen and sighed heavily.

"Yeah?" I asked impatiently throwing the back of my hand on my forehead.

"Please come over here, quickly. It's Chloe, I don't know what to do, a- a- and I think she trusts you more than anyone else-"

I sat up in my bed as Aubrey paused.

"Give me fifteen minutes. Just sit with her, hold her hand, some sort of physical contact okay? Fifteen minutes."

My heart was pounding. If Aubrey lived with Chloe she knew about her anxiety for sure, and probably would have had to help her through an attack like I saw the other night, but she would never call me and trust me with something unless it was serious. _What if she had to be taken somewhere?_

I flew across my room to grab my coat, and completely disregarded the fact that Kimmy Jin was sleeping. I was out the door by the time she could even react.

The elevator would take to long so I practically fell down the stairs and stumbled to the ground floor just to run out of the front door of my dorm and find my way to the sidewalk leading to Aubrey's house.

The entire way there I sprinted, and it was definitely too cold to be outside. It was now mid November, and frost coated the grass and the metal poles of the street lights that I passed. Chloe and I had seen each other at small gatherings but never really hung out by ourselves. I think she regretted the night we slept pressed against each other, I think she was embarrassed it happened. But it helped her; I felt her relax practically as soon as I touched her. As if all of her muscles melted like butter, and she just eventually laid there with ease. Her cold skin warmed against mine, her breathing caught up with mine, and it was so natural. I wasn't even uncomfortable laying there with her. And I wanted to tell her that but how would I?

I have been watching Chloe for weeks, ever since the weekend Aubrey was gone. In rehearsals, she was getting less and less peppy. She still had the energy to practice and perform, but she never looked too good after. Her face had gotten more narrow and her limbs more weak. Sometimes I would rest a hand on her shoulder and ask her if she was okay, but she would just shake it off. And I wish I could have done something more every single time.

In less than ten minutes I made it there because I had sprinted the entire distance. When I ran in the front door, Aubrey called me into Chloe's room. I took my shoes off and got there in an instant. In the doorway I saw what seemed to be an unconscious Chloe laying in Aubrey's arms. The blonde had makeup down her face and could hardly even breathe.

"How long has she been like this?"

Stepping in, I observed the room. Nothing seemed abnormal.

"I don't know. I got home and found her like this, so I called you" Aubrey said , still sobbing. I rested a hand on her back when I knelt beside her, but only for a moment, for my hands then reached for Chloe.

She wasn't unconscious I had noticed. Her chest was moving slightly.

"It's okay, she's breathing. How did you find her?"

"In the middle of the floor, do something!"

My eyes shot at Aubrey, an angry fire rising within me. "Call 911, I'm not a freaking doctor! Get a phone!"

Aubrey nodded and ran out of the room. I was now holding Chloe. I checked her wrists and stomach and legs for scars or new cuts; there was nothing. I didn't smell any alcohol either. Maybe this was just a blackout. But she definitely hasn't been healthy, so it's good we are getting help.

I didn't know what to do. I heard Aubrey frantic in the other room on the phone, examining the situation. She was short and impatient, but thank God she came home and stay the night somewhere else. I just stroked the hair along Chloe's hairline. She looked at peace in a haunting way. I wondered if she knew I was with her.

"Chloe? I don't know if you can hear me, but I'm with you, Beca. Aubrey cares about you a lot and found you like this, so she called me. We both care, and we are getting you help, and you're going to be okay. Please, Chloe, just stay with us. Help will be here soon."

She was beautiful. The touch of her skin made me shiver. Her breathing already had calmed, but her eyes were still closed. I wished they were open, so I could at least _really_ look at her, through her eyes.

Aubrey came back in the room, catching her breath. "Is she still breathing?"

"Yeah, I just think she's in some sort of black out. She's going to be okay, I promise," I reassured Aubrey.

She shot me a look of disapproval. "Are you planning on going to med school?"

"Let's please not fight okay?" I said impatiently. _Is she seriously that stuck up to argue with me in this situation?_

_"_You have to have had experienced one of Chloe's anxiety attacks, right?"

"Yeah but usually she just shakes, and I can just talk her out of it. It's been worse lately though," Aubrey was getting upset again, but I calmed her.

"I know," I said, slightly smiling at the way Aubrey stroked Chloe's arm.

"She told me a while ago that you helped her through an attack, and I will never be able to thank you enough for that," Aubrey confessed to me.

_Wow, she must really care about her after all._

I didn't even bother to answer her. Chloe's hair was too soft and distracting. Suddenly I knew how Chloe would wake up. I rested my palm on the lower part of Chloe's neck near her shoulder, and stroked the skin up her neck below her ear. She loved being stroked on the neck, I had learned. She smiled in her sleep when I did. "Please, please... _please Chloe,"_ I pleaded.

The redhead's eyebrows twitched slightly, and Aubrey gasped as her eyes fluttered open. Chloe's eyes found mine first.

"Hey there, red."

The ends of her lips curled upward, her eyes half open. "Beca," she breathed.

"How are you feeling?"

"In pain, my head," Chloe groaned.

"Do you remember falling?"Aubrey asked.

Chloe's eyes shifted to the blondes, as I stated curiously. "No," she replied.

Within seconds, the paramedics arrived and Aubrey and I stepped out of the way. We watched in silence as they put Chloe on a stretcher and strapped in an oxygen man and brought into the van. One had asked Aubrey all the questions. I stood back and watched everything they did with Chloe, stunned.

In the background, Aubrey explained the anxiety attacks Chloe has to the paramedic. They let her call Chloe's parents. They live less than an hour outside of town. I followed the team of people taking care of Chloe out the house. My head pounded at the sight of Chloe on a stretcher.

"Would you like to ride in the truck with Chloe? Miss Posen is going to drive separate. She has to contact and talk with Miss Beale's parents," one paramedic asked me.

_Aren't only parents supposed to do that?_

"Sure, of course," I replied blankly. We were outside on the step of the house now. He led me inside of the ambulance, and I sat on the bench. There was a nurse and then there was Chloe. I had never been in an ambulance, but this was all so real. And I can't believe it was happening to Chloe.

"She a friend of yours?" The nurse asked.

Chloe's eyes were still open. "Yeah," I sighed, glancing into my favorite pair of blue eyes. _I have no idea what she is to me... Everything that matters, I guess?_

I sat with my elbows on my knees and my shoulders hunched forward. Chloe's eyes followed mine, and I actually really wanted to cry. There wasn't anything I knew about hospitalization or ambulances or anything, so I just tuned everything out except Chloe, who refused to look away from me, but holding eye contact with her made me want to let go.

The truck started to move, but no sirens or lights were activated, and I frantically asked the nurse why. She calmly explained that it could cause Chloe further mental stress. I looked back at my friend, her eyes still searching for mine. I was so thankful that there was no blood involved in this, that's when I would cry.

Chloe's fingers uncurled at her side, and her hand reached out to me.

"You're going to be okay," I promised her, reaching for her hand. Her fingers curled around mine.

"You have the most beautiful eyes," her voice slurred. She tried to laugh after that, but she was too weak. Chloe knew how to stare into my soul and make it hurt.

_You have the most beautiful voice. _

"So do you," I said with a smirk. "How is your head?"

"It still hurts," she complained. I squeezed her hand tighter.

"They're going to take care of you. What happened?"

"I was shaking and couldn't breathe when I was trying to sleep. When I tried to stand up I just fell," Chloe recalled. Her face was really pale, but her eyes were clear, and truly blue.

"So it started out a bad attack," I assumed.

"I guess," she sighed.

I smiled in effort to comfort her. "Thank God you can at least still talk to me," a shudder shot up my spine. I was so scared for her.

"I know," Chloe beamed back at me.

The rest of the ride was silent, but I held Chloe's hand until she had to be taken down the hallway when we got in the hospital. I just got straight out of the way when we arrived to the doors and didn't say a word to anyone. I wasn't a big fan of hospitals, so I waited outside of the Emergency Doom doors for Aubrey. I stood in the parking lot for a few minutes and watched the steam from my hot breath flow in the air in front of my nose. I kicked at the gravel and impatiently waited for Aubrey, but she probably wouldn't be here for a while. Actually, the thought of her driving here upset made me really nervous.

_What are they going to do? What is Chloe going to do? What am I going to do?_

Although we were deep in the city now, I didn't hear anything around me except a high ring in my ears. I was fine when Chloe was beside me, but now I can't even breathe.

_Is it my fault I wasn't there for her? She didn't ask me to be, Aubrey could have been home... I still feel like it's my fault._

I was exhausted. The fact that this was happening in the middle of the night did not help my mental state at all. Chloe could have taken too many pills, she could have had a stroke, or heart attack, or suffered a mental breakdown. Maybe not a breakdown, because she could talk to me with no problem. But what if she had a concussion?

_It could be worse. She could be bleeding from the head. Or worse, dead._

Pacing the sidewalk for twenty more minutes, I decided that I was going to stay until I knew exactly what is going on. I didn't care how long it took for the doctors to figure out.

Aubrey's car pulled into the lot and after a few moments she came running and gave me a hug, the warmest hug she has ever given me.

"Thank you so much, Chloe's dad is on his way, he lives pretty close to the city," Aubrey said, catching her breath.

The "dad" part without the addition of "mom" pierced my ears. "Good. Let's go inside and calm down," I told Aubrey, soothing her.

She nodded holding back tears, slowly following me to find a seat in the waiting room.

"Can I ask you something?" My voice was quiet. I really didn't want to ask her, it might upset her further.

Aubrey and I took a seat, and she nodded, still unwilling to make a sound.

"How often do you experience her anxiety attacks?" My voice grew more and more quiet with each word that came from my mouth.

The blonde's eyes were bloodshot, and I don't think that it was a result from tears. If she was out, she was out and drinking, which made my disrespect for her grow even larger.

"Not often at all. Freshman and Sophomore year I didn't even know she struggled with it. I remember the first one she had in my presence last year, but it was because of the stupid seniors we had to deal with in the Bellas. At least she didn't puke on stage…"

Aubrey paused as her eyes widened, probably remembering vivid feelings from that terrible experience.

"Is there anything that has happened in her life, like maybe before you met her, that would cause her to develop anxiety?"

She didn't respond to me. Her hands pressed against her forehead as she crouched in her seat.

"Please, I know I'm asking a billion questions but please, I want to help," I begged.

"I don't know," Aubrey replied with a sharp tongue.

_Great. That could mean anything._

She definitely lied to my face at that moment. She knew a lot. Knew things that probably I should have known, because I don't ditch someone I care about to pour liquor down my throat.

On cue, a tall, dark haired man found Aubrey and gave her a big hug. I didn't move. Parents are where I stop with communication. He was wearing a black coat over a denim jacket and dark jeans, and didn't even acknowledge me, but that was fine.

"Mr. Beale, this is Beca," Aubrey presented me when they released their embrace. I cringed when I stood from my seat.

His eyes were the same color as Chloe's, electric blue. They also shared the same scowl.

"Hi," I murmured as I extended a hand to shake his.

"Beca and Chloe became great friends in such a short time, there's no one else I would have called when I found Chloe," Aubrey jumped in and explained.

Mr. Beale slightly smiled at me, with a look of appreciation. "Thank you, Beca," his deep voice boomed in my ears.

He was instantly talking to the person at the counter, and was instantly led behind some double doors nearby the desk.

"He seems nice," I said blindly. In reality, I just said it because I was hoping she would agree, that it would be true.

"He's a great person, Chloe loves him a lot," Aubrey smiled and nodded at me as we sat down.

Aubrey and I didn't talk for a long time. I wasn't sure if the tension growing between us was only in my mind. Probably, because I was pissed about her possible drunk-ness. And I couldn't believe she would betray Chloe like that.

I didn't even pick my phone up before I left, I had nothing on me. I had nothing to talk about, or anything to say to Aubrey, so we sat in silence for twenty minutes.

And then she ran to the bathroom after gagging.

_Deep breaths, Beca. She isn't worth your energy._

In the meantime, I dozed off and closed my eyes, but countless images of Chloe in way worse condition flooded my head. Every time I closed my eyes, there was blood, dramatic scenes, and Chloe the victim in all of them.

And people were staring at me because I couldn't stop fidgeting. I couldn't let it go.

After another hour, Mr. Beale came back to the waiting room. He looked pretty serene, but confused when he didn't see Aubrey beside me anymore.

"Did she leave?" He said, pointing to the chair next to me, before he sat in it.

"No, she's just in the bathroom. I think she has an upset stomach… probably all the adrenaline," I bullshitted some explanation.

"Well there aren't many people who don't know about her nervous stomach," Mr. Beale chuckled. It made me smile, and I glanced up at him. He really did look a lot like Chloe. His presence became comfortable after the light joke.

"Chloe's going to be okay, they said there was almost no use to bring her here," he said stretching his legs out and throwing his hands behind his head.

While his muscles relaxed, mine stiffened. "_Almost_ no use?"

"They're going to give her new medication, basically," he confirmed.

_Medicine can't sedate a soul. _

Instead of arguing, I simply nodded. "How's her head?"

"No injuries. It will probably just bruise and be sore for a few days."

I pressed my lips together. There was more he had to say, and he just didn't want to say it. I could tell by the way he was carrying his words.

"You know… Beca," he started. I nodded in confirmation of my name. He continued, "If you hadn't saved her she might not have woken up. She could have been out, but her mind still could have been working against her body. It was a mental breakdown, not just an anxiety attack," he told me, turning his upper body towards me.

My heart beat stopped. _Mental breakdown?_

"I mean, Aubrey was there first, I didn't save her, that's-"

"No, you did. She told me, Chloe told me. You knew exactly what to do," he stared intensely in my eyes the same way Chloe did in the ambulance.

I was at a loss of words. All I did was touch her neck and talk to her. Yeah, it was amazing how she responded so quickly, but I didn't _save_ her. I didn't deserve that credit.

"She's my best friend," I replied, after fighting with that sentence in my head. At first, I told myself it wasn't true. And then I remembered, _who else do I have?_

"I could tell. The was she looked when she mentioned you… it was genuine," he beamed.

_I have never met a man so genuine._

All I did was shrug and smile when he put his arm around me and squeezed me into his shoulder.

"They said you can see her," he told me in an encouraging voice.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for another rather lengthy wait guys, more to come soon!**

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It was now 5:07 AM, and sunlight crept through the windows of the waiting room in the hospital. Chloe's dad was letting me see Chloe alone; he was going to stay and check on Aubrey when she was done hurling up liquor in the bathroom stall. After Chloe's dad invited me to see Chloe and told me how to get to her room, I walked through the double doors I had been staring at for two hours.

The hospital was much crazier behind those doors, and I felt out of place; while all the nurses were wearing white and mint green and white clothing and apron looking things, I was wearing black and dark red. I was dark in a world of light. I tried not to notice bloody people being rushed into a room down the hallway, or creepy looking equipment on a rolling cart. So instead, I stared at my boots. Considering the amount of chaos going on, it wasn't too loud. Or maybe everything around me seemed quiet because of the ringing in my ears. I was so nervous to see her.

Now approaching her room, I stopped in place with my feet together, and propped my upper body straight, standing taller. I took a deep breath in, and out, and stepped in the room.

And even Chloe herself was sitting up in bed dressed in bright clothing, but I in dark.

The lighting was darker in this small room than the hallway. I hadn't even stepped in all the way, I just leaned on the doorway. The whole scene and visual of Chloe in a hospital bed threw me off emotionally. And yeah, she could have been worse, but just a few hours ago, I found her unconscious. Chloe didn't notice me at first, so I had a few moments of generating questions in my head, like how I even grew so attached to Chloe in the first place. I guess boundaries were blown right off the bat with the shower incident. But shouldn't that have scared me away? Shouldn't I have been too shy or embarrassed or nervous to even look or speak to her again? I don't think it drew me closer to her, but something did. There was definitely something, and all I knew at this point was that I wanted her to be safe because she wanted me to be safe, too. It was no doubt that I was falling into something, and I couldn't figure out how she carried it out so beautifully and carefully. I just stood there looking at her, probably looking like a shadow, my back to the bright lights in the hallway. And there she was in front of me in her white gown, looking like the angel she was.

"How are you feeling, red?" I smirked and folded my arms.

Her eyes flickered up at mine as a bright smile drew across her face. "What are you doing here?" She spoke, her voice calming me.

"You didn't think I would leave, did you?" I would step into the room, but I would want to pretty much collapse onto her, I knew it.

Her eyes squinted slightly as if she was questioning me. "I didn't necessarily expect it." We held eye contact, her smile wide, mine conserved.

"You can come in," she pleaded with a giggle. I stepped in quietly and hid my upper lip when I sat in the chair beside her bed. She was propped up in an almost upright position.

"Where's Aubrey?" She asked curiously.

_Shit. What do I say? Tell the truth, just tell the truth…_

"She's not feeling well I guess…" I half heartedly explained.

"I _thought_ I smelled shitty wine," Chloe instantly claimed, causing me to snicker. She wasn't even hurt. It was probably more predictable that Aubrey would be hungover than me staying to see Chloe.

"Are you feeling better?" I crossed my legs and tried to keep my cool. _Shit, I really want to stroke her hair. _

"Yeah I actually feel fine… And you know I'm fine, right?"

"Your dad explained some things," I assured her. Chloe nodded and bit her lower lip slightly, a nervous habit of hers.

"I'm really sorry you had to deal with it."

"Deal with it? Chloe-" I couldn't even think of anything to say to object that. _Deal_ with it?

Once I collected myself, I continued. "I don't _deal_ with you, I take care of you because I want to."

She glanced up at me and didn't even smile this time though. I was expecting to see one of her signature smiles, and I got a cold stare.

"But why, I don't-"

"Chloe you can't expect me to just not… care about you when you did a huge favor for me."

"What's that?"

_Was she seriously questioning why I cared about her?_

"Openly inviting me to audition and be your friend? Remember?"

"Yeah but that doesn't have anything to do with it," she sighed heavily and sank into her bed.

This was not the Chloe I knew. Did she want me to come out with a picket sign that said "I heart Chloe Beale" on it? No, because she isn't like that. She doesn't fish for attention, she never asks for attention. The last thing she wants is attention.

"What's really going on?" I asked Chloe, scowling.

She stared in front of her as tears formed in her eyes. "I didn't want it to get this bad again." Her face met the palms of her hands as she tried to hold back sobs.

And then it hurt me. I was acting on instinct again. I was off my feet in a split second and standing beside her bed. "Chloe… Chlo- listen to me," I pled.

She dropped her hands and didn't bother to wipe the tears from her face, so I did for her. Her skin was so smooth, and I could feel her eyes following mine as I checked over her face. Then our eyes locked when I spoke again.

"The circumstances of your anxiety changes absolutely nothing with me, okay? The only way I'm going to treat you differently is that I'm going to make sure you are always okay. It is no bother for me to know that you are alright."

Somewhere in my speech, her tears stopped, and my hands found hers. I looked down at our intertwined fingers, and realized hers were clinging to mine.

"I still don't know what I did to deserve this," she looked at our hands, too.

"It's not like I'm a great person," I mumbled.

"Are you kidding? Aubrey doesn't do half the shit you do."

That didn't surprise me. Her emotion tonight was probably the alcohol speaking for her.

"You just need to know that I care. And nothing you do, or say, is ever going to change that, okay?"

Her lips finally formed a small, but redeeming smile. "Okay."

"There's the Chloe smile I knew was in there," I said. She giggled the purest laugh I have ever heard.

"Thanks, Beca," she replied.

Our hands were no longer linked together, because all of a sudden, my right hand was stroking her hair. My fingertips traveled the curls all the way to the ends, my eyes gazing over the rusty red color.

_Shit what am I doing?_

"Is there anything I can do for you?" I offered, forcing my hands from anywhere near her.

"No, all is well. Thank you so much, for everything." Chloe purred, her words gentle in the air between us.

"Let me know if you need anything. I'll see you soon, I promise," I vowed, inching towards the door.

Chloe thanked me one more time before I slipped out of the room, still surrounded in some sort of faint cloud of the smell of Chloe's hair.

I found my way down the winding hall, trying to steady my heart that was beating at a pace faster than the sound of my footsteps on the tiles.

When I returned to the waiting room, Mr. Beale sat with Aubrey, whose face was still gray, and her face was now wet with a thin layer of sweat.

I approached the two, walking fast and aggressively. I knelt in front of Aubrey, and grabbed her wrist.

"If you don't take care of Chloe and treat her better than everyone else you know, you should be afraid to keep me around. Do you hear me? You need to make sure she is okay every waking hour of the day, okay? Don't let this happen again. Ever. You won't see the end of it from me if you fuck up again."

Aubrey's blue eyes widened, and she nodded at me.

"I trust you will, but you have to be sure, okay?" I made her stand from her chair and pulled her in for a hug, and she sobbed over my shoulder. The fact that she wasn't puking again made me think that she knew she screwed up, and she wish she didn't. I brushed my hand slowly up and down her back. I glanced at Chloe's dad over her shoulder. He looked at me not frightened, I just think a little shocked, astounded. A light smirk lay across his face as we held eye contact. I bet my eyes were more wide than Aubrey's were. I didn't mean to swear in front of him, I kind of forgot he was there.

_Wow, I am an idiot._

"I'll see you around," I told Aubrey as she said goodbye to me.

Glancing at Mr. Beale again, I saw he had his hand out to shake mine. "It was wonderful meeting you, Beca?"

_Are you sure?_ the voice in my head asked him.

"You too. I hope she can come back soon," I said, looking to the ground.

"Take care, kid," he said, smiling at me, and I was out the door in a split second.

I took a cab back to campus, and by that time it was almost 6. I only had one early class today, so I took a cold shower and got through the day until it was 10:30AM

And the rest of the day, I slept. Through the afternoon, and through the evening.

* * *

"Did you know Chloe was in the hospital like two nights ago?"

"Oh my God, what?"

"Yeah, I think she passed out," I heard another Bella whisper a few days later at the next rehearsal that occurred after the incident. Neither Aubrey or Chloe were there yet.

"She's fine now," I interrupted the group, putting my things down in a nearby chair. Simultaneously, the glanced at me, curious for more information.

"What happened to her?" Lilly asked, barely audible as usual.

"I don't know," I lied, biting my lip. "Don't hound them about it, okay?" I ordered the rest of them.

We waited as a group for twenty minutes until the two leaders showed up. Ironically, Aubrey looked worse than Chloe did. If you hadn't known Chloe, you would have never guessed she was in the hospital two days ago. She was practically glowing. And every second she had been in the room, I had stared at her for.

"Sorry we're late, guys," Aubrey apologized, sounding like she didn't even really care at all.

I was suspicious to why they were late. But at least Aubrey was with her?

"Are you guys okay?" Amy asked hesitantly.

Aubrey's head snapped around her shoulder. "What do you mean? Yeah, we're fine," she barked.

Everyone seemed to take a step backward. Chloe didn't react at all to the harshness of the atmosphere. She simply got all of her stuff together and joined the rest of us, but this rehearsal, instead of dragging a chair next to Aubrey, Chloe dragged a chair next to me.

I glanced at her, the question _what the hell?_ burning on my face.

"You didn't have to be so hard on her, you know," Chloe whispered smiling widely, and then she winked at me, causing my stomach to drop.


	6. Chapter 6

Thanksgiving break blew by too fast, and so did December. During those few short winter weeks, Chloe seemed happier than I had ever remembered. Something about the holidays I guess just made her genuinely happy. Ever since Halloween, she hasn't stopped singing Christmas songs, and when someone complained about it being too early, she would sing louder. I had gotten used to hanging out with the Bellas more. We would go to dinner with each other occasionally, or we would hit a bar, my least favorite. I never really stayed long for those gatherings. But Chloe and I could grow closer, and I didn't have to worry as much about her. Even though I asked her every single day how she was doing and if she felt alright. After a while, she would react as if I were a nagging mother.

I still didn't know what was going on between us. We still had our weird connection, and I definitely still had feelings for her, but I was getting a little anxious and impatient. Was she really planning on making me wait that long? Or maybe I'm just dumb in assuming that she has something for me too. I really had no idea. Either way, having Chloe as a friend was a great feeling. She wasn't afraid to do anything. It was almost impossible to embarrass Chloe, she lived her life with virtually no shame whatsoever. She would sing as loudly as she wanted to anywhere she was, and dance wherever she wanted to. Chloe always carried herself so well, too. She didn't even tell anyone when her and Tom broke up, so I guess she didn't really care about it. Which only made me wonder even more.

In the winter, though, slight factors would set Chloe's anxiety off a little. Sometimes she would sneak into my dorm instead of me going to her place. Apparently Aubrey had other friends outside of the group who Chloe hated. They were supposedly obnoxious, drank too much and made too much noise. I couldn't offer Chloe much at my place except cheap delivered pizza and movies on my laptop, which we never really ended up watching anyway. She would lay down on the bed and kick her feet in the air, a little too close to my face and go on about some random topic, like the time in eleventh grade when she got a role she really wanted over her biggest enemy in high school. But I didn't mind. I always appreciated Chloe's presence, no matter what we did. But again, it was cold in the dorms during the winter, so occasionally, Chloe would shiver, but then it wouldn't stop. Her hands would tremble, and we would sit cross-legged facing eachother while I would hold her hands to get them to stop shaking, while she would talk about anything she wanted to to keep her mind busy.

Other than that, ever since the night at the hospital, Chloe had seemed much better. It made me ask myself is it because I promised I would be there for her? Or was it just building up and it had to escape her?

The only thing building up anymore was my impatience, my longing...

"Beca!" A sea of voices greeted me simultaneously as I walked in Aubrey's house for a Christmas Party with the bellas. There was so much food I didn't know what to do. The best part about Christmas is the food.

"Hey guys," was my attempt at being friendly before I dashed for the cookies.

The atmosphere had became more and more comfortable to live in with the Bellas. And yeah, there was alcohol, but there was also Chloe. She was my intoxication. And she was also right behind me (before I could even get my hands on food) with her arms snaking around my waist, and her nose brushing across my hair.

"Merry Christmas, Beca," she purred, her voice tickling my ear. We swayed back and forth for a quick moment as she rested her cheek on my shoulder, holding me tighter.

"Oh come _on_, how about a real hug, red," I laughed as I turned around so I could wrap my own arms around her. I took a moment to stroke her back with my fingers and breathe her in.

When we broke the hug, I finally got to see her entirely. And _damn, _she looked good in black skirts with black lace tights.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, rather distracted by her outfit. Red tops always liked good on her, too. _Ugh._

"Why don't you answer that yourself?" She said grabbing me by the hand, and taking me to a less crowded space to dance. We didn't actually know what we were doing, she just twirled me a lot and smiled.

"Maybe I should just stop asking you then?" I teased her over the sound of a Michael Bublé holiday song being played in the background. I twirled Chloe instead this time.

"Well it is kind of nice to be honest, but you don't need to worry so much."

"Are you sure?" I asked suddenly serious, and we both stopped moving. Her hands were on my shoulders, and now her thumb stroked over my sweater.

"Yes, Beca." Her eyes sparkled in the light of the icicle lights that were hung in every corner of the house. "Did I keep you from your cookies?"

I laughed and pushed her away from me. "Yeah you did, you bitch," I played.

"Try the sugar cookies, I made them," she suggested, before going off in another direction.

I finally got a chance to grab a cookie, of course from the plate of the ones Chloe made. It melted in my mouth as I happily joined the rest of the Bellas. Aubrey actually stopped me before I could sit down anywhere. She had me by the shoulders.

"Can I talk to you for a minute," she asked sternly, dragging me off to the side.

"Sure, what's up?" I couldn't deny the sudden increase in my heart rate. I wasn't sure what she was going to ask me.

"You know her better than I do, how is she," Aubrey didn't seem so mad anymore. Just... _concerned. _

The blonde glanced over her shoulder at Chloe, who was singing along with Stacey to Mariah Carey, appearing to be the life of the party.

"I mean she seems okay," I said, pouting my lower lip a bit.

"Okay, I'm serious Beca, cut it out."

"Aubrey, relax. _Everyone _has noticed that she's been a lot happier since- well, you know. If anything bad happened that seemed suspicious I would have told you by now," I trailed off into silence because I knew Aubrey wasn't actually listening to me. She was watching Chloe being the bubbly Chloe she is, as if it weren't real.

"Why are you asking _me, _Aubrey. What do you see? You're the one who lives with her."

Her head turned away from Chloe and her focus was back on me. She folded her arms in discomfort.

"I don't know, I'm just always worried about her, I think I overreact and over think and expect things to be worse than they really are," her words flew out if her mouth, the way burnt flakes of paper rose rapidly into the air over a campfire.

"If you aren't calm, there's less of a chance she will be. But I think you've been taking care of her. She seems really okay, Aubrey."

She shook her head, and laughed. "I don't think I've done anything, I think you do."

I scowled. "I mean, yeah I help her, but-"

"No Beca, _you_ saved her that night, not me. You knew exactly what to do, and you know exactly how she works."

_That's definitely not true, _I thought, trying to hide a smirk.

"And she really likes you," Aubrey continued. "But you already knew that."

_What the fuck does that mean?!_

"Yeah, we're close," I exhaled. I could hardly breathe.

Aubrey inhaled with me and let out a breath of relief. "I guess I really just wanted to say thank you. That's what the holidays are for, right?" Aubrey smiled a real smile at me, I think for the first time ever.

"You don't need to thank me," I replied, hugging Aubrey, but only for a moment. There was a time limit we had with hugs, or else it was awkward.

Aubrey smiled before walking away, as usual. She had a weird thing about not knowing how to say bye to me.

Before I could mentally move on from that conversation, something stuck me about Aubrey... She hadn't been drinking.

I snapped my head around to find her again, sitting on the couch. She looked around, and actually seemed really happy with the group, and how the night was going. I stared at her for a minute, disbelieving the conversation we had just shared. Her eyes suddenly met mine, and she smiled while patting the cushion on the couch next to her, motioning me to sit next to her. Slowly I approached her, and sat next to her, still not comfortable with the fact that we were on good terms. But I would probably jinx it somehow, just by being glad she was treating me fairly just this one night.

At these parties, there were always the few who would stand and dance around and put on a show for the rest of the group. Tonight, Chloe was one of the performers. It was so amusing to watch her mimic the voice of every singer that was playing through the stereo. Even "Blue Christmas" by Elvis came on, and she knew exactly how to do the lip curl and everything. Chloe knew every word and made up dance moves and everyone just sat and laughed. It was so easy to be here now.

Although I was entertained by Chloe's Elvis act, I was focusing on other things about her. Like the way her hair moved when she spun around. The way her hips moved. The way she always stood on her toes, as if all she wanted to do was stand taller. The way her eyes always seemed to shine, how _she _always seemed to shine. I couldn't have been more thankful that Chloe had gotten better these past few weeks. Because watching her now seemed almost like a happy ending. Something inside me though screamed that it definitely was no ending. This was the beginning.

Chloe bowed after her act, and the "crowd" cheered for her and gave her a standing ovation. When her eyes found mine, all I could do is smirk and shake my head.

I felt a chill dance on the skin of my bare arms, but inside, my stomach was burning. My heart was aching, just at the sight of Chloe.

"Alright, now that _that's_ over," Aubrey said in a tone where everyone knew this was going. "Should we talk about the rest of the season?"

An unenthusiastic response sounded from the group. Aubrey had stood from the couch, so Chloe took her spot next to me, while I tried my very hardest not to stiffen.

"I'm kidding, you know." Aubrey laughed, as if she were hilarious.

"Aubrey, let's do the game!" Chloe blurted out.

The blonde turned to Chloe with a disappointed look. "Do we have to?"

"Oh come on, we do it every year, why not now!"

"What's this game, huh?" Amy asked impatiently.

Aubrey sighed and released the tension in her shoulders. "Everyone in the group says three facts about them, but only one of them can be true. And we have to guess as a group which one is true."

"So two of the facts are lying?" Lilly asked.

"Yes. Okay who would like to start?" Aubrey looked around the group.

"I will," Stacey stood from the chair she had been sitting in rather quietly for a while now. "Okay. Number one, my great grandmother survived the Holocaust-"

"BULLSHIT," Amy interrupted with a loud laugh.

"Stop that! I'm not done," Stacey pouted.

Chloe's soft laugh in my ear made me shiver.

"Okay, two… I had straight A's all through high school, and three, I'm not a virgin."

Silence fell upon the group. "Well you're definitely not a virgin," I muttered, causing Chloe to snicker.

"I mean… no I'm not," Stacey said proudly, even though she had made it very clear several times.

If I was assuming right, everyone was hesitating to say that Stacey had straight A's in high school. No one had guessed the fact yet, and I couldn't hide a smirk.

Stacey folded her arms and dropped a hip. "Well?"

"You had straight A's in high school," Aubrey offered hesitantly.

"_Yes,"_ Stacey exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. "Is that so hard to believe?"

'_On three or after three' _I mimicked the best Stacey voice I could in my head.

"Good for you Stace," Amy said eventually, starting a clap in the group while we cheered, and Stacey bowed for us.

"Okay, who's next?"

"Ooh, ooh, pick me!" Amy propped herself up.

"Go for it," Aubrey allowed.

"One, I got expelled from my middle school for beating someone up. Two, I own a private jet and yacht. Three…" she hesitated. "I don't have a nose."

"Amy! You beat someone up?!" I laughed in disbelief.

"They took my lunch! So instead of beating a kid up so I could take his lunch, I beat a kid up because he _took_ my lunch! I think that's a lot more reasonable if you ask me," Amy explained.

In my head I was trying to generate something about me that I could share with everyone. With every minute that passed I felt my muscles tense even more.

"I'll go next," Aubrey started. "My dad's a cop. Uhh, I plan on moving to New York after college and I failed my first driving test."

"Wow, you're difficult," Amy muttered.

Chloe raised her hand politely, and Aubrey glanced at her. "Don't even try it, Chloe," she said jokingly harsh.

"I think you want to move to New York," Stacey stated confidently, but Aubrey shook her head.

"Your dad has weird 'sayings', he seems too sad to be a cop," Amy pointed out, causing me to smirk.

"Huh, Aubrey Posen failed her first driving test, huh?" I teased, and Aubrey openly admitted.

"She argued with the instructor during the first minute whether she made a complete stop or not and he immediately kicked her out," Chloe explained, and the group had a collective laugh.

"I'm sure you're not too surprised," Aubrey said, hunching her shoulders quite a bit. "Who's next?"

"I will go," I blurted. It was like time stopped around me. I sat for a minute, feeling my heart pounding in my chest, and my mind hazy, still trying to approve the three statements I would say.

A deep breath was my introduction. "One, I liked math as a subject in high school-"

"Oh, _hell_ no," Chloe objected. I nudged her arm to silence her.

"Two, I really love playing the piano, and three… I used to work at a music store in the mall."

Instantly, everyone replied music store, and complained about how general my fact was.

"Nope, I've been playing the piano eleven years," I replied.

"No way!" Stacey said. "Prove it."

"Yeah, you can use the keyboard," Aubrey invited.

The keyboard in Aubrey's apartment was new, she needed it for a music theory class she was taking, so her little sister gave it to her over Thanksgiving Break. Perhaps I wanted to share my secret desire because I secretly desired to play the keyboard. Everyone seemed pretty supportive in my sharing my talent, so I didn't hesitate. I looked back to Chloe for comfort, and she seemed surprised, yet excited to hear me play. Her smile was soft and encouraging when I made eye contact with her as I walked to the piano in the corner.

I sat down carefully, while people came closer to me to see. As soon as I started playing, reactions came from the group, as if Beca Mitchell didn't do anything else with music except mixing and creating. I could create with my hands too, right?

"_This is my winter song to you, the storm is coming soon, it rolls in from the sea," _ I began to sing.

"Shit Beca," Amy mumbled, shocked.

"_My voice; a beacon in the night, my words will be your light, to carry you to me."_

I heard a voice joining in with me, when I started the chorus. I turned to face Aubrey, who had a big smile on her face. "_Is love alive? Is love alive? Is love…" _we sang in harmony.

"Go on," I encouraged Aubrey, as I continued the piano interlude before the next verse. She nodded and fixed her shirt. The blonde now stood beside me.

"_They say that things just cannot grow, beneath the winter snow, or so I have been told. The_y _say we're buried far, just like a distant star I simply cannot hold,_" she sang

"_Is love alive?" _Aubrey and I repeated, a few more voices picking up on the recurring line.

Aubrey and I continued to sing, seeming to truly get along and accept each other for the first time ever. And although my back was facing Chloe, I could feel her smile from here.

"_This is my winter song to you, the storm is coming soon, it rolls in from the sea. My love a beacon in the night, my words will be your light to carry you to me… is love alive?"_

We continued singing through the end of the song, repeating those three words over and over, _is love alive? _

_Shit, this shows how soft I can be. I didn't need everyone to know about this…_ I thought as I played the last chord.

There was an uproar in cheering and clapping that I wasn't really expecting.

"Seriously? Jesus Christ Beca, you'll make it big someday," Cynthia Rose declared.

"That was truly beautiful, now sing Beyonce," Amy ordered, making everyone laugh.

When I rejoined the center of the room, Chloe crossed her legs and fixed her hair, not making eye contact with me, which was weird. But I took my seat next to her, and heard her breathe in and out from her nose.

Aubrey regrouped the Bellas and quieted everyone. "Who's next?"

"Me," Chloe said, sitting up straight. "One, I tripped up the stairs at my high school graduation. Two, I like Netflix better than people."

I laughed at the Netflix comment, remembering back to the night I first learned Chloe had anxiety, the night I first held her in my arms.

"And three… I'm in love," Chloe finished.

_**What?**_

Chloe had a huge smile at the end of the presentation, like she was joking about the last sentence. She said it with a weird tone, as if she were mocking the entire idea.

"In love with what? Netflix? Come _on,"_ Amy instantly replied, and Chloe laughed.

"You always liked Netflix better than any boy you've ever dated," Aubrey played along.

"Very true," Chloe replied, growing shy again. I watched her timid body language and smiled. I couldn't stop watching her. That was a good thing, because when she tried folding her hands, I watched as they began to tremble. Waiting for her to accept that I was right her and noticing, she took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Yeah, I know," she whispered. Her shoulders rose slowly to her ears, and her attention was slowly narrowing straight towards her, until I reached for her hands, and picked one to hold with my own. I felt the warmth from my palms against her icy cool skin, and watched as her shoulders slowly sank back into place. For the rest of the night, through the rest of the game and through the rest of the discussions, we remained this way, and the worst symptom Chloe had from anxiety was her trembling hands, which I calmed in a matter of twenty minutes. Through the rest of the night, we remained linked hand in hand.

The last of the Bellas were heading out the door when I found my way back to the keyboard. Tonight made me realize how much I missed playing piano. The house was calm; Chloe began to clean up, and Aubrey was hidden somewhere, doing who knows what. Chloe was completely quiet besides the noise she was making in the kitchen- no words. I assumed it was to keep her anxiety under control. But for now, I just stood in front of the keyboard and stroked the keys, without making a sound come from the speakers. The keys were slightly dusty, so I ran my fingertips along the keys, and eventually sat down.

It was a few more minutes of me reflecting on the night and my sudden interest in piano again before Chloe said "You can play, you know."

I smiled and glanced over my shoulder at her, and was comforted to know that she could actually look at me again. I temporarily missed being the reason she was smiling. My heart still melted at the sight of her in that black skirt with her black lace tights.

Although I turned the volume down quite a bit, I played simple chord progressions and improvised melodies to make it seem like I knew what I was doing. Eventually, Aubrey reappeared.

"Hey Chlo, I'm gonna go out with some of the girls, I won't be too long. Is that okay?"

_No, that's not fucking okay?_

"Yeah that's fine," Chloe responded in a toneless voice.

"Okay. If you need anything just let me know," she said walking towards the door. I had stopped playing and I turned around in the stool to glare at Aubrey as she walked out.

The blonde turned to me before she left. "I had a lot of fun tonight Beca, I'm glad you came."

"Me too," I answered her. _Me too, so I can make sure Chloe's okay while you go do whatever the fuck you want._

The door closed shut, and I returned to playing the keyboard. I turned the volume up a little louder and played with the pedal to get a better feel of how it worked. I found myself playing the same chord over and over again. Ab major. And my head developed an idea.

"Chloe, come over here," I called for Chloe over my shoulder.

I began to play the melody to O Holy Night while my left hand play arpeggios. Chloe stood beside me as I finished the last few phrases, and continued to play.

"You're really good," Chloe said smiling at me.

"Now I want you to sing for me," I told her, smiling as encouraging as I could.

"Ugh well when you put me on the spot I don't want to!"

"Oh, just do it, please?"

Chloe gave me a fake glare. "It will be fun. Here, I'll start over. Come in when you want," I said, returning to an Ab arpeggio. I watched her as her face grew serious, and she closed her eyes.

"_O, Holy Night, the stars are brightly shining. It is the night of our dear Saviour's birth…"_

That line alone caused me to shiver. Chloe's voice was so beautiful.

"_Long lay the world in sin and error pining, till He appeared and the soul felt its worth."_

She grew even less tense when she opened up here,

"_A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn…"_

The room was so intimate in this moment. I now paid no attention to my hands, I just watched Chloe sing, felt shivers up my spine when she sang this next line.

"_Fall on your knees, oh hear the angel voices,"_ Chloe turned to look at me too.

"_O night divine, O night, when Christ was born,"_ she started to smirk, and my heart continued to pound in my chest. _She is so beautiful, she is so beautiful, she is so __**beautiful.**_

"_O night divine…" _her high note shot me straight through the heart, I almost lost my ability to keep playing, for my hands were now shaking. There were tears forming in my eyes, but Chloe stared straight at me and smiled the entire time.

"_O night, O night divine…" _we finished together, her voice diminishing and my fingers halting.

My head was spinning in circles. Something broke me in the past two minutes, something inside me wasn't the same. I felt a flood through my body, and I could not wait any longer.

I stood from the stool and abruptly held Chloe's face with my hands, and instinctively, she held my shoulders. For a moment I simply just stroked her cheek with my thumb, and took in the feeling of being so close to her that I could feel her breath along my lips. I searched her eyes for any reaction or emotion, and all I found was lust.

Letting all of my boundaries fall, I pressed my lips to Chloe's, feeling an immediate rush through my whole body. As soon as our lips met, so much tension from my body was now vanished into thin air. It made me realize just how much I really had wanted her for all this time, and how happy I was that we were finally there. But, I wasn't worried about her emotional and mental state (as well as my own) I probably wouldn't have stopped so soon. We parted, and caught a breath.

"How did you know I was telling the truth about being in love?" Chloe smiled.

I laughed nervously, resting my forehead against hers. "I didn't."


	7. Chapter 7

"I've got to get home" I sang, spinning in a circle to glance back at her.

"But babe, you'll freeze out there," Chloe sang back, sneakily following me.

"Say, lend me your coat?"

"It's up to your knees out there," she purred, as she wrapped a scarf around my neck from behind.

"You've really been grand," I turned to look at her again. And I really, really did not want to go.

"Thrill when you touch my hair," she responded, throwing a coat over my head and using it to pull me closer.

"Why don't you see," I smiled when her forehead met mine.

"How can you do this thing to me?" She wasn't even really singing anymore. We froze in place, inches away. I softly pressed my lips to hers quickly, thankful that every sensation was real.

"If Aubrey's a dick when she gets back, kick her ass for me, please."

"Or you can stay and let me watch you kick her ass," Chloe offered.

I scoffed. "Yeah Beale, this isn't suspicious at all."

"It's really not. She thinks we're friends."

Although I wanted to, I didn't argue with that. I thought back to Aubrey saying how much I had helped Chloe, and how appreciative she was of if.

"It's also no secret that you hate her," Chloe said, trying to get me to say something.

"I was starting not to," I stated quietly.

"You don't have to stay Bec," Chloe smiled.

I kissed her again. "But I want to."

"Go pack for your break," Chloe giggled, slightly pushing me towards the door. I moped all the way there, but finally got to the part where I was actually on the outside of the house.

"Let me know when she gets back, okay?" I told Chloe sincerely. Suddenly, I was protective and concerned. As soon as I was outside, I felt as if I were already gone. I shook this feeling off as soon as possible, know that it would only tear me down.

"Of course," she beamed. I am so in love with her.

"Goodnight," I finally said. My heart twisted in my chest when Chloe stepped onto the cement porch in her bare feet.

"I love you," she said, twisting her fingers through my hair.

"Was your goal to make it so fucking hard for me to leave? This is so unfair."

Chloe burst into laughter and hugged me, her head resting in the crook of my neck. I made sure I broke the hug as soon as possible.

"I'll kick Aubrey's ass, I promise."

I kissed Chloe's forehead, my hand around her waist. "Good. I love you."

"Goodnight," Chloe folded her arms over her stomach when I finally let go and started down the steps.

I felt really weird. Not long ago, I hated this sidewalk that I travel on so much. I hate it even more now. I wish it didn't separate me from Chloe. This wasn't fair.

Was that even real? Processing the night was impossible. It wasn't even real. It didn't happen. There's no way. No fucking way.

On the way back to my dorm, I didn't even really think about anything. I found myself savoring every experience and feeling I had with Chloe, because I didn't know when I would feel that same way again. And I wouldn't let it go. I could still feel the warmth and the rush. But by the time I could actually get my mind off of her was when I got back to my hall. I did not miss the musty smell at all, or the annoying ticking clock in the lobby. It was 12:49.

The stairs were a challenge. But a group of drunken guys got in the elevator, and I didn't need that. And the stairs weren't my biggest challenge.

I got back to my dorm to find Jesse.

"What the fuck?" I whispered, staring at him. I felt so exposed, like "I'm gay" was written across my forehead. And actually, I would love that in the moment.

Jesse was wearing a nice dress shirt and tie with slacks. The entire dorm had been decorated, and clearly he had gone past any other border he had created. Tacky paper chains and snowflakes hung in every corner, and glittery garland around the window and lights hung on everything. I wanted to puke.

"Merry Christmas?" He hesitated, an irritating smile growing on his face.

"I guess. Did I show up late?"

"Kinda."

"When did you get here?"

"9."

God fucking damn it. I wonder what he's been snooping through.

"Well you didn't have to wait up for me. What's this about?"

He was literally so dumb. How did he not know by this point that I'm not interested at all.

"Am I sensing some tension?" He asked.

"Yeah, you are," I spit back.

There was an awkward silence.

"You know I don't like you." That was all I thought I had to say, but he smiled like he didn't believe it.

"No seriously, I don't-" I paused to laugh and shake my head. If only Chloe were here to watch this. She'd be sitting here with popcorn, waiting for the next thing to happen.

"In fact, I don't have the slightest clue of how you developed that thought in the first place."

He stepped closer. "I just don't think you want to admit it. I think you want to be miserable."

"What?"

"Don't you know I want to help you?" He urged.

"But don't you know that you don't have to possess me to do that? What do I need help with? Since you know everything about me."

"You just refuse to let people in, including yourself. How don't you see how sad you are?" Every step he took towards me, the higher my pulse grew. Was this really going on?

My fists clenched at my sides. "I am very happy."

"Oh, really? Helping your poor friend with anxiety? That's probably what's feeding your sadness. Why would you put yourself in that position?"

I stared at him blankly for a moment. My mind imagined a piano dropping over him, crushing his brain and every single bone in his body. Just like in old cartoons.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"How does that make you happy?" Jesse raised his voice. He didn't want to help me, he wanted to control me, brainwash me into believing that I'm some helpless princess that needed to be rescued from a tower. I didn't want to be seen that way, because that is not who I am. And I do not need him defining me that way. Everything about him was dumb. I hated everything.

"Because Chloe isn't manipulative and controlling and pushy."

"I'm just trying to help you," he continued to shove those words down my throat.

"But I don't need help!"

Before I could even breathe, he grabbed my wrist, causing me to flinch. "Are you drunk?"

He backed me into the closet door, and just stared at me for a moment. My blood was racing through my veins, and my entire body was warm. The anger was too much to bear. My wrist began to hurt.

And I wish I had prepared myself for it as soon as he pinned me, but there was no warning of when he kissed me, but I refused it. I did everything to push him off of me, but not only mentally, he was physically pushing me. I couldn't break free until I released my hand from his grasp and thrust a punch in his gut.

I watched Jesse cripple on the floor, still feeling the anger in his breath on my mouth, and the pain of his teeth biting my bottom lip. Suddenly, I began to sob.

He stood up quickly, but I refused to look at him. The sound of his breath, even, was terrifying.

"I really thought of you differently."

"Just get out and leave me alone," I ordered, still crying.

"I didn't mean to-"

"GET OUT. NOW."

When I looked up, his shoulders dropped and he practically ran out the door. The insincerity, the cruelty still lingered in the room. I tasted blood on my lips and could not resist feeling the pain of being held down and aggressively handled. His breath lingered like poison on my skin, and it was beginning to burn. I stood idly in the center of my dorm, choking on my tears, staring at the wall.

That did not just happen.

I stood up, and was suddenly screaming. Barbarically, I tore every paper decoration down off the walls and ripped them to shreds. They ended up all over the room in pieces and fragments as I threw them angrily and sobbed. But I didn't stop at the paper decorations. Eventually I was throwing everything, and I wasn't thinking about it. I threw CDs and books and other stupid things I had around. Until I threw a picture frame.

Suddenly realizing what I had thrown, I snapped my head back in the direction I had thrown the picture, and inched towards it.

On the floor, I saw a picture of my brother and I from my junior year, framed and covered in broken glass. I felt his ghost around me. But he wasn't mad. He was never made towards me. He always told me that anger wasn't worth it. But that's how he ended up overdosing- anger.

Like the picture frame, I sunk to the floor, my heart shattered, and my mind blank.


End file.
